Social religion is perfected when private religion is purified – A.W. Tozer

Now, the language is a little antiquated (Tozer wrote this in the late 1940′s) and I’m not sure how I would paraphrase this, but the sentiment is quite profound to me. We hear people talk about how they are ‘unsatisfied’ with church, and we hear the age-old complaint that “I’m just not being fed in church anymore”, but Tozer is going in the opposite direction in this part of the book. He lays it out that the faith and relationship with God of the individual is what sets the standard for the community’s faith in God.

Where the church as a whole is at, has a direct correlation to how the individuals that make up the universal church are. If the individual is spiritually healthy, then they will contribute positively to the health of the church -both the local church and the universal body of believers. It’s up to me to make sure that my personal journey with Christ is moving forwards, because  my walk with God will directly affect those who are around me. There’s numerous passages of scripture that are the basis for this concept. Matthew 5:16 and 1 Corinthians 12:7 are where I’m going to keep myself thinking about this.

Note: I just discovered that the entire book is available online for free from several different places, feel free to check it out on Manybooks.

Jesus Replied,”No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.”

At first I felt inspired by this verse, but as I thought more of it, I started to realize the gravity in Jesus’ statement. At times I know I’m guilty of looking back, especially when the road of ministry is rocky and filled with potholes. It’s fun to escape into a daydream where I’m off doing something else… maybe a professional snowboarder or rally car driver… but all I’m accomplishing when I do this is delaying what God has called me to do. This makes me more like the man in verse 59 who said “Lord, first let me go and bury my father” rather than like one of the disciples who dropped their things and left to follow Christ.

I’ve also been reading “The Pursuit of God” by A. W. Tozer, and the section of it I read this morning really struck me. Tozer was writing about how the terms “my” and “mine” reflect a deeper problem, the problem of things replacing God in our hearts. When we refer to something as “mine” we’re placing a possessiveness on that item that we should only put on God (e.g. “My God”.) Tozer looked at the story of Abraham, and ended with the phrase “He had everything, and yet possessed nothing.” The idea took me a few minutes to wrap my head around the fact that we can have something, yet not possess it. After a moment everything ‘clicked’ in my mind, and I was reminded of the fact that everything we have is a temporary gift to steward, and we must be willing to leave it behind if we are to put our hands on the plow in service to the kingdom of God.

I’ve been reading more books lately, partially due to school, but primarily because the section on my bookshelf of books I have bought or been given is now larger than the section of books that I have read. The majority of the books that I’ve been reading recently have been very influential to me and have been pushing who I am in terms of my faith. I wish I knew the source of this quote because it’s certainly not an original thought; whenever a conflict or challenge comes into your life you have two options, grow in your faith, or fail. Looking back at 2010, it was a tough year. Fortunately I can look at who I was in January of 2010 and see changes in who I am now in January of 2011.

Yes, I am speaking in very ambiguous terms here, after all I am primarily writing this to myself as a reminder of how God has changed and forced me to grow over the last year.

If my track record holds, my next post on this blog will likely be in April or May.

The picture of loneliness was striking. When two clones end up awake in the base at the same time, the old one doesn’t know how to interact with the new one, asking the robot “Is someone in the room with us?”

It reminded me of a part in Blue Like Jazz, where an astronaut (named ‘Don Astronaut’) is on a space station. He has a space suit that keeps him alive without water, air, or food. There’s an accident, and he is hurled out of the space station to drift around the earth in orbit for the rest of his life. Eventually his beard and hair grew to the point where it obscured his view of the earth, leaving Don Astronaut in a perpetually dark environment, all alone.

Both of these things made me think about loneliness. More specifically, I started thinking about the things we do to try and keep ourselves from being alone. I remember when I was a teenager, I’d play an online game called Enemy Territory. There was a christian group that I would play with. I never met any of the people in person, but I’d play this game with them, and we would have voice chat during the game so after a while I felt part of this community. It gave me a sense of belonging.

I wonder how much of what I do now is to avoid loneliness. I am a social person, we’re all wired to be in community with other people. So where do you find your community?

A friend challenged me to keep a journal with me at all times, and whenever something seems interesting to me, write it down. Later, when I re-read what I’ve written it becomes much easier to see the patterns that emerge, and then to seek God to learn if these patterns are from him. Some have been, some have not. When something feels like it can be posted here as well, then I will.

That is all for this moment.

It’s a book about creating the story you want to live with your life. There’s many different segments of Donald’s own story interwoven through the book, creating it’s biggest strength. It’s the kind of book where the room you’re sitting in just fades away, and if feels like you’re sitting in a comfy couch with a cup of coffee and Donald is sitting across from you, telling the stories while gazing out at some unseen vista.

Underneath the stories that he weaves together is the constant question: “What kind of story do you want to live with your life?” When I look at my own life, it pales in comparison to the story I want to live. There’s highlights that I look fondly on and stand out in my mind, but even those images sometimes pale in comparison to the things I daydream about.

I struggle with writing words down, and it makes me feel like I don’t have the ability to ‘write’ my own story to be what my mind and heart desire it to be. Donald’s solution seems to be akin to the Nike slogan of ‘Just do it.” He tells us of impulsively deciding to hike the Inca trail, no small feat, and you can feel his passion and fondness for the memories that he made.

I think it’s time for me to go and make some memories of my own.

Wait for the Lord;

be strong and take heart

and wait for the Lord.

I’ve spent the last two months trying to build some new disciplines. Some of the disciplines I’ve tried to learn haven’t always stuck, but some have. I’ve been trying to get caught up on the sermon podcasts I listen too, but I still have many more to go. I’ve also started reading a book titled “Leading on Empty” by Wayne Cordeiro. I’ve barely started it, but one quote really struck me. In the preface he states

During this winter season, the only things I had to hold on to were the disciplines I had already built into my life. In the night, a sailor cannot see land, nor can he get his bearings from the coastline. He must navigate by trusting the dimly lit buoys already set in place. In the same way, when you go through dark seasons, you will be restricted by, or released to, what has already been established within your soul.

Over the last several months my life has been riding a teeter-totter. There have been many upwards moments, and many moments spent in a dimly lit winter. Yet through them, I have known that God is the one guiding those moments, using this time to teach me more about him. I’ve learned a lot by taking the time to step back and look at my life, focusing on the disciplines I have learned and are yet to learn, placing the buoys in the water during the daylight, so I can find my way when the dark seasons come.

I am still writing.

I’m not here to apologize, or to commit to writing more.

I’m here to say that I am choosing to remain quiet.

There are many demands on my time in this moment.

I’ve realized I can’t meet them all.

Instead, I’m choosing to try and live Psalm 27:15.

“Wait for the Lord:

be strong and take heart

and wait for the Lord.”

I’m slightly ashamed to admit, but when I bought Call of Duty, Modern Warfare 2, I played the entire single player campaign in one shot. I didn’t do this for the graphics or the game play, but because I became invested in the characters, I wanted to see them triumph when everything was going wrong around them, I wanted this small group of people to win against their Goliath.

A thought recently came to mind, what if that same story was told through a different medium? Would I be as interested if it were told in a movie or a book? If it were a real time strategy game? Or maybe an old school 2D side scroller? Would I be as invested and remember as much of the storyline if it was on a Sega genesis over an Xbox 360?

When we tell a story, are there other ways of telling it that help the audience to engage? Does it matter if the audience is passive like when they watch a movie or read a book, or active as in a video or board game? When we tell someone a story, how do we decide which format will leave a lasting impact?

I’d be very interested to see two different video games made, with the exact same storyline and characters, but one as a first person shooter, and the other as a top-down adventure game. I wonder what that would be like…

So much for getting to destroy stuff.

Off to the emergency room I went, feeling a peculiar warm and slightly wet feeling on the bottom of my foot, along with a numb/tingly feeling in my toes. Yes, I drove myself to the emergency room in my own car, a standard, Thankfully it was my gas foot, not my brake and clutch foot.

I’m going to jump ahead, to when the nurse gave me my tetanus shot. I have an irrational fear of needles. I know that it’s just a slight prick, and I know that I really need it, but I’m still freaked out. On the outside I’m keeping up a fairly calm appearance, but inside I’m freaking out. Then I feel a slight prick, and before I know it she is pulling the needle out, and giving me the instructions for how I’ll feel for the next day or so.

It made me think about fear. I have a fear of needles. Yet Psalm 139:14 talks about being “fearfully and wonderfully made.” That doesn’t mean that I was made to be scared, 2nd Timothy 1:7 says that “God did not give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline.” When God says we are “fearfully and wonderfully made” he is talking about the reverence that he placed on us when he creates us. When we are to be fearful towards God, it’s not about being scared of him, it’s about showing reverence and love to God.

Today is about Jesus’ death on the cross. Jesus was both fully human and fully God, so he felt every moment of agony as he hung on the cross. When we think about what the significance of his sacrifice is, we need to be fearful as we come before God. Not to be scared or timid, but to show reverence and love for the sacrifice that God has made for undeserving people like you and me.

As for my foot, I will make a full recovery. I never caught the name of the nurse who helped me so to whoever you are, thanks.